I cheated. I can't change my mistake, but I just wasn't happy and I tried and tried to reach out to my
husband about it, about how he's always gone, always with his friends, always making everyone else a priority before me, who does a lot for him. Our sex life was complete shit. He'd finish, he'd go to bed, without even saying a word, he wouldn't touch or look at me which would hurt, a lot. Our communication was down the drain, I'd be trying to tell him that I was upset over something he'd do, either he'd ditch me for days or always make excuses to not hang out and even just have a beer with me, just to talk and talk about each other's day. When I'd be upset over something that I wasn't getting and that I longed for, he'd just buy me something nice to shut me up and he thought that's what I wanted and what truly made me happy but I could careless about material stuff, I just wanted intimacy and communication again. Our intimacy was just gone. Everything was so lonely, we live in his home town, everyone's kind of got their own cliques so I don't fit in much and have like no friends here, my hometown is 3 hours away, and all my friends are 18-22 range, so it's it exactly easy for me or them to just get on the road whenever we want to hang out. So I basically had no one out here. It was sad, I was so lonely. I not only had no friends here but also a husband who seemed to have given up on us. Anyway, December of 2015, he had his staff Christmas party, so we went, I got dressed to the 9's, in my miss me jeans and a beautiful peplum top, , I did my makeup perfect, eyelashes on, my hair was all done, back combed and curled, (turns out I kinda over dressed but whatever), I was so pleased with how I looked, before we left our house I asked him how I looked he said "nice dear" I was expecting a "Wow babe, you look amazing" and we'd fuck, but nope. Instead he asked me to give him a hand job on the way there, so while he drove that's what I did, but that just made me feel cheap. He had to pull over to clean up anyway, we could've had sex quick, but whatever that's besides the point. We got there, we were the last ones there so obviously people stared and it kinda made me feel good, I just thought "maybe someone in this room thinks I'm beautiful.. And can see I put so much effort into how I look tonight" it was a good turn out, had some beers, got to know some of the girlfriends, and got to talk with some of Alex's buddies and gfs who we already knew, it was good, everything was good and I got so much compliments on how I looked I was so jolly. Even though I was way over dressed I felt like a million bucks and I wanted my husband to feel proud that all these people thought I was "gorgeous", "beautiful", "pretty" he didn't care. Anyway, we went out for a smoke and more compliments kept coming I was just so happy, I've never heard that many compliments in one night. Then one guys compliment stood out from the rest, he said "Wow, it's amazing that you're with him when you can literally have any guy you want, he's lucky" at first I
thought "creepy guy" but then I was like "thank you" and my husband went inside and I was finishing my cigarette, this guy started saying I was "gorgeous", and had the most perfect body and he wished I was his wife. I wasn't creeped out, any good wife would have been but I was just eating it all up, never have I got so much compliments like that, I felt beautiful for once and like I stood out. So, we go inside, I'm sitting alone cause my husbands having a good time with his coworkers and friends, so I don't wanna be that wife who butts in and ruins the fun. so I Just sat alone, talking to people who walked by or who were sitting across the table. Then the guy from outside comes and pulls up a chair beside me, we start talking and we just clicked. He was really decent looking too, which I don't look at but it was hard not to acknowledge it. 6'2, blue eyes, blonde hair, nice build, one of those city looking guys, ball cap, nice clothes, smells good and whatnot. Overall a decent looking guy. Turns out he was 30 (I'm 20), yes I got married young.. But by the time I was 16 I was living like I was 30, been through some shit in my life and my husband actuall saved me.. I didn't have to work, provide for my younger sisters anymore, my mom sobered up and just over all when my husband came into my life everything changed. It was awesome, why I love him so much. But anyways, we continued talking, it was a good chat.. But 12:30 came along and it was actually time for me to go home, I was very drunk too so it was about that time to call her quits. My husband was having such a good time that I didnt wanna bug him, and he hardly noticed me so I just decided to go. Didn't wanna be "that wife". So I went out for a smoke to make a call to my mother in law to come pick me up, then this guy comes out and actually offers me a ride so I take him up on his offer so I don't gotta bug my dear old mother in law. So we're driving to my house and I told him he could come in and we could have a beer and play some zombies until my husband gets home and we can all just hang out and drink beer until we pass out, you know just a chill night. Whatever. Halfway home, all I can think of is getting in some comfy clothes, cracking a beer and start a game of tranzit. Then he asks me "So what makes you stay with him?" Then I basically blew up, I basically cried to this guy telling him how unhappy I am and how our sex isn't the same, he doesn't talk or hang out with me and all that. Then he told me that we should just hang out and drive around for awhile longer so I agreed. He tried kissing me. His lips touched mine but I shoved him away so fast, then told him I had to go home cause my husband would probably be worried about me. Then he asked me to check my phone to see i hes even tried asking where I was. Sure enough, no text. It hurt my feelngs for a sec, but then I thought well he's with his friends, having a good time. So whatever, we parked on a back road, just listening to music and talking about random things. It was going goodbye and we got alongside on well, he was sweet and he listened to me, which I didn't get from my own husband. He tried kissing me again, and I began to tell him I loved my husband and no matter how bad he treats me or how bad I think our marriage is I couldn't do that. He backed off, but come 3am still no text or call from him, I began to believe he really didn't care so I decided to stay out longer cause why go home if you're just gunna be alone when I have someone to talk to right now. So another hour passed, still no text or call. So we talked still, just hanging out then he tried kissing me, lie magnets our faces collided. I had to stop and I had instant tears, I couldn't do it. I love my husband. Then I looked at my phone hoping he'd just text or call but nothing. Then this guy just tells me that if he cared he'd be texting me worried. So whatever, a few minutes pass by as I rant about how he's not worried. He kisses me, I kiss him back, and our what seemed to be an hour make out session turned very aggressive and hot, he felt every inch of my body and his hands for perfect around my waist, which felt good when he squeezed as he looked up and down my body saying how "sexy" I was. I felt so beautiful. We made out longer, and he layed me down, but our faces didn't detach, like our lips were stuck together. He pulled my pants off, and felt up an down my legs, everything else comes off, his pants are gone, everything's gone, he climbs on top of me and does everything to make me feel good, he did everything to get me off first, which I've never actually had someone so before. It felt great, we both finished, both out of breath, smirking at eachother, I light a smoke, have a quick smoke, he's staring at me legit the whole time, his eyes are stuck on me, we began to kiss again, he layed me down gently again, and climbs back on top of me, the second time just as great as the first. We finished, got dressed then that's when the guilt really sunk in. By this time it was 9am, so I tell him it's time for me to go, but he wants to talk more so we do, and he lets me know that if whatever happens when I get home results in me needing a ride, money or anything at all I just have to call him, cause what happened is also his fault too, and he wasn't just gunna dump me off and ignore me if I needed something. So anyway, I get to the end of my driveway, then I see a big black Ford 3/4 ton, with a white cowboy hat speeding down the road. My husband. I jump out of this guys truck, my husband gets out of his yelling at this guy, the guy drives off my husband speeds after him. So I walk up to our house, made it to the deck stairs and my husband pulls up beside me and tells me to get in. I do, and all I said was "we had sex", I wasn't gunna lie, and I didn't cry either, what I did was wrong, I know that, just because my reasons seem valid to an unhappy marriage doesn't mean I need to go out and sleep with the first guy who gives me what I've longed for, for so long. I took the name calling, the yellin. I deserved it, and I wouldn't be surprised if he hit me, he's had to do it once. he didn't hit me, all he did was tell and get angry. I didn't try tal k, cause I know if he did that to me I'd be just as mad. So I sat back and took it. He then asked me why, and I told him how I felt and he said "why didn't you try telling me this instead of fucking another guy" the thing is, I've tried so many times. He's buy me something nice to shut me up, but he didn't realize that's not what made me happy. We talked more about it after he let off some steam. He now understands me, it's sad that I had to go out and be a fucking whore for him to realize, but then again, those weren't my intentions. Everything is much better though, he doesn't ignore me, our sex is great, we communicate. He told me that I'm his world and that he loves me with everything he's got. And that he's not gunna lose me over this hump in the road (I would've left my ass if I was him. Anyone would. Emirite?) things are the way I wanted them to be now. We're happyyyy again. I'm still feeling guilty, I'll never forgive myself but it's something to work at. I hope this helps some of you. It's unfortunate that I did that, but if I didn't he wouldn'td have realized all of the stuff I've felt for so long. It's sad. But life goes on and I can't change my past, just better our future
